Saturday, September 14, 2013

Regaining My Focus

Friday Finds

A night time rain brought beauty to the porch and to the beginning of my day during the week. Standing on the porch as I was taking our dog Cleopatra out first thing in the morning I noticed a spider had been busy while we were all asleep.  Raindrops clung to each tiny thread creating a masterpiece I simply had to share. 

One afternoon I spotted a humming bird fluttering around the pond.  I grabbed my camera but of course, it was already gone.  But then these beautiful flowers caught my eye.  I don’t remember planting them and I don’t recall them being there last year.  A surprising find I had to share.

This morning I awoke to a foggy haze, denying the rays of the rising sun to warm the cool air.  These tall grasses were glistening with dew, perhaps hoping the sun would warm and dry them.

Regaining My Focus: Sharing art journal pages

Regaining my focus

I had to take a short break from blogging in order to regain my focus. I noticed I had allowed myself to get caught up in linking during the week but was not spending time with my art journals.  That combined with the returning to teaching, I just couldn't seem to get myself back on track.  It became evident that I needed to get back to my art journal to regain that original focus that was the purpose for starting this blog.  It wasn't just the linking that had gotten me off track; it was also the swaps I was signing up for.  Yes, I wanted to create and share some of those creations with others; I truly enjoyed making ATC’s and postcards for others.  And I liked anticipating what laid waiting for me each day in the mail box.  But I got too caught up in it and stopped creating for myself.   I stopped releasing those endless thoughts that crowd my mind preventing me from listening to my intuition.  Today I vowed to limit and choose more carefully which swaps and weekly links I will give my attention to.
Acknowledging I do not listen to my intuition.

Here I journaled about not listening to my intuition.  Every time I thought about returning to the classroom my stomach fell and I had deep feelings of despair.  But I wasn't listening and continued to think about teaching because that is what I do.  What else would I do?  Here I finally acknowledged what my higher self knew all along, I didn't want to return to the classroom. 
Insight to what I DO want & opening that door.
The very next day I got offered the temporary position to teach Chemistry and Micro Biology.  Here I journaled about stopping myself from trying to figure out why I got the job; whether or not it was a “sign”.  I decided to simply take the job, to not put any reasoning into it other than I was the best person for the position.    

Tuning out the unreasonable voice of reason.
I can direct my thoughts!
These are two other pages I had completed earlier but did not get around to sharing.  I have been reading in Defy Gravity about listening more to my intuition and less to all the static running in a nonstop loop in my head.  I have noticed that, while I want to admit it or not, fear plays a huge roll in where I am at.  Brought up in a middle class home, security was the highest goal.  Once obtained you held onto it for dear life!  I had job security but I wasn't happy, I was miserable.  I continued to deny my misery because I had that security and I was holding onto to it as I had been brought up to do.  Now it is acceptable and encouraged to follow your heart/dreams and do what makes you happy.  It's okay to let go of that secure job for one that is "your calling".  This is where I am at.  I must release that fear to move towards my higher purpose.  I hear my intuition, I feel it in my gut when I move in the wrong direction, I simply need to let go.

What fears are you holding on to?  Is that fear preventing you from living your purpose?  I would love to hear your story.

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